The radio is too loud

I feel like a man who has seen suffering, suffering, a word so often misused and misplaced, but it is at home here, for I have seen suffering, I have felt it's lashes, seen it's ginormous scope, days that once seemed so far far away, I have seen. Alas, time has made alive days that once were so distant, that they were mocked. I pray that no human ever mock time again, because truly incredible is it's might. Why do women cry,  I once asked? Women are more perceptive of the heart's plight. I never want anyone to know me, nor do I like to pretend. Hide, Hide, I must Hide! Where can I hide, when I am already hidden,  is this a confession, that will lead to my demise? People love me as a teller, but I just hide. The deeper is the tragedy, the more secret is it's depth. Should I face my tragedy, acceptance seems so hard, and denial such comforting respite. I need council,  no my insanity, should not be violated, and laid bare, for all to see.
 When is growing up? Perhaps, when you believe short-term dreams, are ill conceived. Truth be told, they are better. Time maybe all powerful, but it is sometimes too slow to eat up momentary happiness. Humble, I must be more humble, feel the pain, or time will severely humble me. Though, I have seen so much suffering, strong I am still. Is this seclusion, a sign that I am back to where I should be, or is it that I am so far away, that nowhere seems home to me. Strength, more strength, why does life require, so much strength from me. I still try not to despair, beautiful though  life can never be. Once , I heard there was penance with suffering.Well then perhaps I can accept this grief as penance for all my deeds.
 Everyone wants to perceive more , without realizing perceiving is the source of all grief. Laughing, once I heard, in laughing lay the key, many a hollow laugh later, I still feel the blood on the rot.  This sorrow is making me so dark, and even further I want to hide. Light, how can I find light , when all my light is gone. This darkness, is deep. Strength, I have still plenty, but courage none. I fear to forget, I must embrace evil, but unholy is such a path. If  only I could believe he is gone, then I need no longer linger in these terrible lies. And then I remember his love, that I can still remember how warm it was, shall be my courage. Such an incredible time we had, an ocean of memories between us, goodbye friend, you shall be missed.

Colors

I like darkness, any light no matter how faint, other than black shall not do. But the black must not be monotonous, it must be interrupted by brief, sharp, narrow intervals of light. But the flashes can't be too near, they must not fall on my eyes, my precious eyes must be in darkness looking far away, at a small spec of light. After all isn't that what eyes are for, to be looking at things far away, with little care of what's nearby. I love incoherence, there is something mysterious and magnificent about incoherence, but the incoherence must be sparse, too much of it makes incoherence less mysterious, and more common. Common things are boring, that's why I like to keep them in the dark, and just focus on the sparks of light, and how bright they are. Other people like to keep everything else in the light as well, then the incoherence shines brighter, and they love it more. I also pretend sometimes I see the incoherence for the most beautiful  thing I know, and not the only beautiful thing I know. The bright people in time see so many strains of incoherence, that even the minutest strain of new incoherence becomes rare, they start to wonder over the most unyielding bits. I feel cheated, are we not people of darkness supposed to be better positioned to identify light lashes of incoherence admist the sea of  darkness. Should I switch over to light and get so bored with normal sunshine that the incoherence catches the eye, even if it is in the mildest dose? You see, darkness attracts more than brightness to the soul. How much beauty I see with this transition will determine, if I have gone to three from two or to one from two. I actually would prefer one from two, the higher you are, the harder the fall looks. Really if you are in level three, it's better to pretend to be in level one, you can enjoy high class privileges without fearing the fall. Level's don't matter, analyzing the sky scape with a microscope is the name of the game. If you look far enough you will find incoherence, right? Well that's probably not true. Never fear from venturing into the unknown, the ridicule of trying to find something incredibly obscure is meaningless,   Whoever sees the farthest, might seem to be able to see far, but actually only has the balls to search in the wildest places. Balls, that's what it comes down to. Does music help? Of course, more so for the darker soul it drives, music cuts through the darkness better, you see. Rallying the eyes with music is acceptable. I like the idea of toiling in the sun to make a living, as opposed to being the slick dude who sees through the silence. Maybe I shall toggle between light and dark in a serene , be it slightly complicated manner, when people do complicated things, they always try to sill have a measure of enforceable control on the complication. Why don't we just let go of the complicated structure, run around fast on the level ground, trying to get a grip on the complication. Trust me, running around fast helps. People believe if they hold on to the complication long enough, they will get a feel for it, and the whole thing will become uncomplicated. To some extent, the classical waiting and feeling works, some people can absorb fast, wait less, and  start initiating the run around technique faster. You must be balanced on all fronts, balance is of essence, skew-ness is of little use early on? Even later skew-ness doesn't mean the opposite of symmetry, it means something close to symmetric, or a different type of symmetry . To you I confess all my dear. But remember confessions may not, for various reasons be wholly or even partly true.

Random Letters

NOTICE
After much deliberation, and considering all the prospects. I have decided I want to become a ghostbuster.
In order to further my career, I shall need team-mates to bust ghosts with, and ghosts to bust. If you are a person interested in busting ghosts or a ghost or both, please get in touch.


Dear Miss Sinclair,
Me and my wife happen to return very tired after our day's work.However we find that our kids do not return equally tired from school. This creates a great  imbalance in the house during the evenings, making it very difficult for us to cope.
We should be extremely pleased if you could kindly look into this matter, and make sure to fill the children's daily schedule with a heavy load of mocking, mugging , bullying, and whatever else possible to suck the very love of life from their souls, so that we may enjoy comfortable quiet evenings at home. Here's hoping you a very warm thanks-giving.
Mr Henry Smith,
The 5th similar looking house,
On a street named after the richest person to ever live on it,
which lies two blocks up the 4297th Mcdonald's outlet opened in the snowy hell that is Wisconsin.