The day after sanctions on Cuba were lifted the Communist government
decided the time was ripe to do something deep and profound. After much
consideration it was decided a polar bear zoo would be built in the
middle of Havana, as a remonstration against the untenable destruction of
natural ecosystems due to capitalist greed. Now communists do not like to
look foolish, so a beautifully written 400 page manifesto was published,
outlying how the whole thing was not only possible, but both
eco-sustainable and financially viable. So work began with fervor, the
likes of which the old city had never seen. Finally the whole project
was completed, 10 polar bears were brought in to live in the new
edifice. A grand opening ceremony was held with much pomp and grandeur.
But the celebrations were short lived. Within a week, nine bears died
of heat stroke. The government was not happy, a few of the scientists
responsible for the initial manifesto were executed, publicly global
warming due to the west was blamed for the cub's deaths. Miraculously
the tenth cub persisted to breathe, the whole country rejoiced. It was
named Lenin. It was decided that on May day, to commemorate the fall of
fascism, Lenin in true Marxist spirit would be brought forth admist the
people. Alas, walking through the streets of Havana in May proved too
strenuous for Lenin. He died that night in the cage. The government
was dismayed, but there was little time to despair, rumors of Lenin's
demise were being propagated by Western media outlets. Hugo, as bearish a
man as could be found on the streets of Havana at 4am, was put into a
polar bear suit and forced into the bear cage. The next morning expertly
shot propaganda videos of him were released along with the sensational
news about a foiled American assassination attempt on Lenin's life.
Naturally, in order to protect comrade Lenin's life, no outsider could
be allowed near the encloser for some time. A thousand miles away
Washington DC was abuzz with news of the Cuban bear. The president
decided , that America could not be shown up like this by the
communists. A 500 acre polar bear sanctuary in the middle of Washington
was proposed. Over the next few months plans were wrought, and
rewrought, millions of dollars worth in contracts were sold, the I 66
and I 95 were rerouted, old men in musty suits debated how many bears of what gender should be brought, the entire borough of Fairfax had to be
relocated. Finally the day came when the sanctuary was complete, it was
fitted with a drive through Mcdonald's and a church, so as the bears
would grow to be American in temperament. The president stood proudly in front of
the reservation holding a cuddly polar bear cub, and declared
that at last america could feel great again.
