Dear pretty eyes, today I wanted to write to you. I don’t
know why, I don’t want to write about you, no I want to write to you. It just feels more personal writing to you
than it does to address an unknown third person reading my blog. For the first
time I want to write about kgp. Well that’s not actually true , I have written
about kgp before, for the first time I guess I want to write about my life at
kgp. These days I feel so ancient around
here, seeing those 2nd years coming for “wing interaction” and all
that stuff just makes me feel like Dumbledore, all wise and white. It’s been
such a long ride you know. So many things that at one point seemed so important
seem so irrelevant today, and it’s funny how many little moments that passed
by insignificantly seem to stick. Gosh I remember that time when our pipes
broke in the first year and water was gushing outta the bathroom like through a
fire engine, I swear it was like Aquatica at 3am in MMM. Everyone tried their
hand at fixing the dam thing, I don’t really think anyone expected to have much
success, they just were having a ton of fun in the water. You would think that
with time I’d grow less childish and more mature with more responsibilities.
But you know in the whole of my life at this point
I feel the least tied down by responsibilities or obligations. We
human’s I find fret and worry over things that we are responsible for or will
be responsible for in the future, and yet if you think about it in the end of
the day we are really too puny to be responsible for anything of any real
significance. I mean in the next few hours I could die, become a super hero
, have sex , smoke weed, eat cheetos do
whatever, and yet still at round 5am the
sun will rise crisp and clear unobvious to any of my night time activities. Speaking of sun rises , I remember the first
one I saw here at Kgp. Of course it was after a “night out” ( it’s strange how
we use the term “night out” here at kgp , 5years ago if anyone told me they had
a night out , I’d assume he’d gone partying with his friends at some night
club), it was just before dp, I was sitting on the roof in MMM. Chilling with
my friends, dreaming about stuff as I always do . The grounds around were all misty and chilly, and then the
sun rose and all the mist melted away
like the hosts of mordor did in front of the charging Rohirim. It felt
wonderful, the sun was still too weak to be scorching and yet it did give us a
kind of warmth in the early morning autumn chill. Funnily enough at that point
I didn’t feel sleepy, I felt fresh and rejuvenated and so did everything else.
Come to think of it, I don’t know any
scientific reason why the sunrise feels
so clean and pristine , do you?
Another
moment that comes to mind was illu-night third or fourth year can't remember which, I hadn’t even worked
on the chatai that particular time. Hell in my second year when I did work on
the chatai I was soaked in oil, extremely glad it was all over and looking
forward to sleeping through the night. No this was some time later, I was on
the chad at lallu and it was after the split, four thousand diyas were bringing
to life a magnificent 2 storey Taj Mahal. Apart from feeling awe-struck I had
this feeling that this was how it’s supposed to be. It was Diwali and I was
supposed to see thousands of diyas light up in front of me, like having
rasgolla’s on Bijoy doshomi (that’s Dasera if anyone doesn’t understand). In
Kgp we do a lot of things in the name of tradition, and most of the time people
will say how stupid and outdated these traditions are. But at that moment I
felt happy that we had upheld the tradition. Looking back now, I feel it was
worth it spending all those sleepless nights tying loops, not because we were
trying to win the competition but because some senior was feeling at peace in the familiarity of the occasion.
Of course I remember my great crush on you. Ah, a lotta embarrassing
moments come to mind, some of those feelings seem very distant and some of them
quite close. I guess most importantly I have lost that idea, desire ,hope
whatever you may call it of actually being with you. “Bandi patana” is a concept that purely exists
for first or second years, this notion that they must woo a girl. How do u woo
a girl anyway? These days when I think of “bandi patana” all I get is a picture
of someone like Barney Stinson putting
on their moves on a random chick at a
bar. A first year is too naïve to understand reality, a second or third year is
bitter that reality sucks, in the end I guess you realize that some stuff may
not be real, but they still can be true.
It’s like if u imagine something, the whole thing is fictious but the
emotions they inspire in you or in people you share the dream with is real and
can be beautiful. I guess I never loved you in truth, I never knew you much,
but I did feel love, love for some girl I imagined you to be. Someone who’s
rational and open-minded like ramiz khan, romantic like Kara in My name is Red,
and of course imaginative like me. It doesn’t matter you’re not that girl, I am
happy that I can confess to the imaginary you like this, knowing that you
understand how personal all this is for me. In another time, I would have hoped
you’d read this and fall in love with
me, or I’d feel angry and sad at how futile my whole dream was. But today I
feel nothing like that, I feel happy with what I have written. I
guess in five years I have grown up and thankfully I have learnt to be more
happy.
