THE VSRP EXPERIENCE

                                    Melancholy is a very deep feeling; at least it feels deep right now. It’s different from sadness. One feels sad when one’s dealt a heavy blow in life. While sadness is circumstantial, one could say melancholy is more a child of reflection. It’s a mood thing .It’s 12:30 am on the 9^th of July and am all packed, sitting alone in a south Bombay apartment. Waiting for the cab I ordered to arrive (I hope it arrives, god only knows how I’ll get to the airport in this rain if it doesn’t).I am the last one to check out , all my flat mates have already left, the whole apartment is bare. In an hours time after I leave no-one would guess looking round this place that just 24 hours ago 3 people called this their home. I felt so helpless today as the day slipped by and I had to say goodbye to so many things that I had for the last two months taken for granted. These two months have been wonderful. I can honestly say looking back that I do not regret a single thing I did this summer.

                                         Many people want to be mathematicians. But undergrads like me have very little idea about how researchers in the field work. Mathematics is both a simple and complex subject. Simple in the sense most of the questions mathematicians strive to answer are simple, but the methods to solve them are very technical and require a lotta knowledge. Seduced by the simplicity of a question  many a novice mathematician often tries to tackle them. Edison attributed his remarkable success as a scientist to “99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”. To a young mathematician trying to do ‘research’ this statement feels most flawed .He almost always finds himself needing new inspiration to get himself out of the hole his last idea led him into. That’s why the interaction with my guide over the last two months has been such an eye opener. She has taught me to squeeze more out of one stroke of inspiration as opposed to keep searching for new ones. The 99% perspiration part in mathematics is reading stuff. It’s far more fun just to think bout a problem but you are unlikely to get very far by yourself alone. Newton once said ‘If I have seen further than most it’s because I have stood on the shoulders of giants’. I guess no one, no matter how tall can keep jumping on his own two feet and expect to see new horizons.

                            Anyway all that is history,  my guide told me “best of luck and have a good life “ and walked away yesterday.  Today was a day of many partings. Two months once seemed such a long time and now its down to the last hour. But then again it was long enough for me to get horribly attached to this place. I really badly want to get out of this flat now, its emptiness just makes me feel even more empty inside . I know it’s stupid to think life is empty because of all these people I am leaving behind. For most of my acquaintances here have been made over the past two months itself.  How remarkable that bonds created over such a small time can be so strong and yet how ironic that those bonds so strong can be severed so easily.

                                                    I must be a super optimist for almost all the people I have met in my life I have found to be very nice.  So it amazes me  to learn of all the malicious and evil things people do in this country everyday, maybe I have just not seen the big mean world out there yet. It’s raining like hell outside. This is really typical of my entire Bombay trip. Whenever I need  to go out it always pours  in contrast to the bright sunny skies marking days when I stay indoors. Looking back I’ll have good memories of Tifr. People my age are mostly the same no matter where they’ve grown up. Hell I evn met this German chick who was remarkably like any normal shy girl you might happen to meet at a bus- stand in any part of this country. Before this I always used to imagine European chicks to be wild hippy types, again maybe have just not  met enough of em to comment. Seems strange that tomorrow ill be back home instead of  on that blue bus as usual .The bad-ass driver(mad-ass is more like it but have really grown fond of the bloke) swearing at everything from lorry to rickshaw, Ashish ji busy with his hair, Tanaji Pal sitting eyes closed but always insisting he aint sleeping . Ever since I have joined college home never seems like home. Whenever I stay for more than a few days at our Kolkata apartment I feel trapped and restless. It’s in places like Tifr  where am around people my age does it feel natural. Indeed over eight weeks the whole place has become so familiar. Walking down the corridors, meeting and chatting with vsrps or phds on the lift or in front of the library, watching the waves on the shore, glimpses of that girl I had a crush on from the first week, Ashish ji who hated his guide, Komal who hated dogs and of course Moumonti who hated me, Ved Prakash Roy, Aditya , Apoorv , Abhash , AC , tanaji and many more. It’s all come to such an abrupt ending  ( to illustrate exactly how abrupt the last thing I said to one Arundhati Krishnan was , ‘Wow you are wearing half pants’ .She replied ‘I call em shorts but half pants will do’ and that was it). Outside down in the street the night is wet , dark and lonely .But a new dawn will break soon and Bombay will wake up busy as ever. I wont be here, nor will the blue bus, the boring vsrp seminars and many more of the things that were part of my daily routine this summer. I close my eyes to let the feeling wash over me; Mumbai the liveliest city in India seems so lonely up here in this flat. This moment of my life is like that last episode of Friends where they wrap it all up like I have packed all my stuff up right now. All that remains to complete that analogy is for me to run to the airport and get together with  my crush at the last moment.

My last hour is almost up. Time just doesn’t hold still  as I have found out all a day today. She is relentless always pushing forward and sweeping everybody along with her. You shouldn’t be like her never looking back. Yes there are always new roads ahead but once in a while you must stop and take a deep breadth, remember the good times that bring a smile to your face. And these past two months here i'll certainly remember as good times.